i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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