why didn't you poke me back
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
