um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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