I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
