Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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