I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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