So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
