I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
