There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
