I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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