This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
