it hurts more in the daytime
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
