Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
