i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
