You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
