Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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