I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
