you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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