You really coming over, don't trick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
