He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
