i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
