I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
