..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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