just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
