if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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