About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
