Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
