Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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