Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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