I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
