I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
