Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
