i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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