Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
