If i come over, it means nothing
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
