I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
