He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
