I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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