i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and she was petting her beer can
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
