goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
