I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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