garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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