Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
