UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
