this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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