need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm going to jail i love you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
