I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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