Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
