i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
