bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
