I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
