If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
