We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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