She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
