I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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