Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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