I cockslap morals
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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