i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hope mine doesn't look like that
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
