Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
