Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
